Can you determine what makes you happy? The answer is not people or things. Happiness is a state of contentment. You must not look outside of yourself for happiness – don’t expect someone else to make you happy, although they can add to your enjoyment. Possessions will add to your enjoyment & comfort as well, but will not give you a satisfied, contented feeling that happiness gives.
You are responsible for your own happiness just as you are responsible for your health. If you want to lose weight, lower your cholesterol, or build muscle, you must eat healthy & exercise! You can’t expect your health to change if you just fret over it. You must act! The same is true with your state of mind.
Phil 4:6-8 says, “Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
“Think on these things,” why? Because, as a child of God we are supposed to experience peace, love & joy in our lives. (Ro. 14:17 tells us that the kingdom of God is not material things, but it is righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.)
*You have to change the way you think. Train your brain to think happy thoughts! Just as you can break a physical habit, you can break the habit of negative thinking. When you find your thinking causes you to feel unhappy, you must stop yourself, take control of those thoughts, & remind yourself of good things in your life. Find pleasure in the small things; things we often take for granted such as having a good conversation with a friend, a job well done, a relaxing bath, a good meal...you get the idea. If we will give our worries to God, His peace will rule in our heart.
Try to think positive in every situation. For example, you’re broke down on the side of the road for 4 hours before you get help. Instead of feeling helpless & angry, be thankful. If you’re asking, “Why shouldn’t I feel helpless & angry?” Because this breakdown may have just kept you from a terrible accident down the road! This kind of positive thinking makes us feel calm & in control. Continually make yourself think good thoughts in bad situations & it will finally just be a natural response. Think about it...do negative thoughts make you feel good?
Make an effort to be happy – don’t feel guilty about concentrating on your need to be happy. If you’re thinking, “What’s the use?” then realize that you are headed toward depression & you are feeling sorry for yourself. What would you say to a loved one with this same attitude? How would you encourage them? Sometimes, we have to step outside of our feelings & look at ourselves objectively & counsel ourselves as we would counsel someone else.
Don’t allow people to dictate your happiness – choose to be happy in spite of them. Don’t let things that make you unhappy rule your life! Your decisions determine your happiness.
Forget the past! If you are always looking back at a once happy life, and comparing it to the now, you will never be able to move forward.
Likewise, you must not have a picture of what a life of happiness would be. You have to choose to be happy in the life you are living now. Do things that make you happy. Take inventory of yourself... what do you do to bring happiness to yourself & others around you. Be honest! Sometimes when we feel our lowest, a simple act of kindness toward someone else sparks a feeling of self -worth in us & that is an important part of feeling happy. If we’re not satisfied with ourselves, we can’t expect to feel happy because we don’t feel like we deserve happiness. When you make someone else feel good, it makes you feel good. Acts of love, kindness, patience & forgiveness toward others is necessary in order for us to feel worthy of those things ourselves. We also need to be good to ourselves. It’s ok to put yourself first occasionally! Be open...you just might find happiness where you didn’t expect it.
If you aim for perfection, thinking this will make you happy, you will be disappointed. Sure, accomplishing goals & feeling useful will give you a sense of satisfaction, but happiness is something you want to feel regardless of your accomplishments or lack thereof. Becoming free from perfection is one of the keys to being happy with who we are.
Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness? Do you often find yourself being ‘used’ & not appreciated? You are an adult so you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do! You alone are responsible for how your life will be lived. Do things because you enjoy them, not because you feel you need to.
Focus on relationships that matter, and start with the relationship that matters most to you. When choosing a relationship to focus on, pick one central to your life, like your marriage. Remember that you can’t change other people; you can only change yourself. If your spouse is a perpetrator of your discontentment, you might need to develop coping strategies rather than force him /her to alter their behavior. Furthermore, your attitude toward them can make a difference in the way they behave toward you if given enough time. Try treating your spouse like you would if your relationship was brand new, (whether you feel it or not). Treat them exactly how you would like to be treated, not expecting them to reciprocate.
Have you ever noticed that when you are around upbeat, happy people they are easy to be around & you enjoy your time with them? On the other hand, when you are around negative people, when you finally get away from them, you feel drained. Sometimes, just being around positive speaking people lifts our spirit & encourages us to be optimistic. Now comes the hard part...you might have to make changes in your life. This is where you have to take inventory again, but this time your inventory involves those that are involved in your life. Do you need to walk away? Do you need to change jobs? Do you need to resolve conflicts? Do you need to make demands / stand up for yourself? If you are trying your best to be a good person & do what’s right then you deserve to be treated with kindness & respect!
Don’t wait for ‘if & when’ to bring you happiness because if & when may never come. Choose today to make the changes that will lead you to a life of contentment. Be thankful; be grateful & hopeful in all things. Begin every day with a positive outlook for the day at hand.
Finally, don’t take your relationship with God lightly. If you have His spirit then you have the comforter with you at all times, so if your heart is troubled or you’re just having a bad day, you can take it to Him & He will give you peace & guidance.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
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